Alternatives

Yesterday’s post about what to get a man for Valentine’s Day led several people to ask me what, in fact, I did recommend they get their significant other for the big day, if not Special Occasion Sex. Let me hasten to assure everyone reading this (assuming that anybody is) that there is nothing whatsoever wrong with Special Occasion Sex; on the contrary, if your plans for Thursday included any form of intimate activity that does not involve actual criminal acts, then by all means go ahead. And, in fact, if that is what you believe to be the best choice for your significant other on that occasion, I wouldn’t dream of telling you otherwise. I am merely pointing out that the reasons for giving someone a present and the reasons for sleeping with them aren’t always congruent – and sleeping with someone only because you can’t think of another option is probably not the best idea…

For the most part, men in this culture haven’t been socialized into expecting anything in particular for this occasion – many of them believe that V-Day is nothing more than an occasion on which the right combination of gestures, words and expenditures may result in a form of reward that they will enjoy. Thus, they may not be expecting anything from you, and almost any form of gift will suffice – although, as noted in previous years, presents that represent alterations in their lifestyle or behavior that you would like to see are likely to be unsuccessful. With that proviso, the average man will be quite happy to receive the same type of gift you would give him on any other occasion…

By contrast, women in most Western cultures have been socialized into placing importance on V-Day, and specifically on tokens given to them as an expression of love by their significant other. This often becomes problematic in the case where one partner is committed to celebrating the holiday and the other is not. Fortunately, this means that a man attempting to purchase a present for a woman on this occasion has a great deal of leeway; the only really fatal errors would be those cases in which his significant other finds his choice to be inappropriate. And while no hard-and-fast rules exist, it’s probably fair to say that anything you wouldn’t purchase for any other occasion will also not suffice for this one, meaning that anything too cheap, too expensive, too cutesy or not cute enough, too personal or too impersonal, too elaborate or too casual, etc., will still not suffice…

The point which in my estimation gets overlooked much too often is that this occasion does not, or should not at least, occur in isolation from the rest of your interactions with your significant other. Months or years of previous experience should give you some idea of whether a pink stuffed animal holding a heart-shaped object with a holiday-appropriate slogan on it is a suitable gift, or if a package of personal lubricants isn’t. If you seize on this occasion to make a grand, romantic gesture that is perfectly reasonable – but you should probably be prepared for the possibility that you may be wrong, or that you may have chosen the wrong gift, the wrong price level, or just the wrong person to give it to…

But that’s a story for another day…