Public Safety Announcement 2011

Every year around this time I try to post a warning – purely as a public service – to all of the men and the occasional woman who have lost track of the date, and fail to realize that Valentine’s Day is four weeks off. Four weeks from today, the whole world turns red (or in some cases bright pink) and all of us who have significant others are expected to conform to social custom by exchanging gifts in commemoration of how much we love each other. Meanwhile, all of the single, divorced, widowed, or otherwise alone individuals are expected to be desperately seeking new dates, reviewing platonic relationships that could be converted into romantic ones with sufficient quantities of alcohol, forming groups with which to sit around and loudly complain about a holiday specifically intended to make their lifestyle seem worse than it really is, or making plans to spend the night of the 14th softly weeping into their beer…

I kid, of course, but it often seemed to me (even when I was single) that people were making this whole occasion harder than it needs to be. Consider, for example, people who can’t remember the date. V-day is the same date every year, and has been for all of your life; it doesn’t change dates the way the Super Bowl, the World Series, March Madness, the NBA Finals, the Stanley Cup or even the Olympics do. And unlike your significant other’s birthday or your anniversary, V-day is marked by every retail store in the world putting up pink decorations, plus articles and ads in the newspaper, banner ads on the Internet, special television programming, and decorations around your office. Even if you happen to be really absent-minded, the harbingers of the day are hard to miss…

Then there’s the issue of cards and gifts. Most people will be perfectly alright with a card you made yourself, assuming you exerted some effort on it, but if you don’t have the time there are retailers all over most cities which will happily sell you one. You might even consider keeping a few extras in the back of your file cabinet, in case you forget. I’ve written extensively in this space about gifts, but I will reiterate that they’re not that complicated either, provided you remember a few simple rules . I’ve also posted a set of counterpoint rules for women shopping for men on these occasions, and while I won’t bother repeating those lists here (you can hit the links if you want to) it’s probably worth repeating Rule 2 on the original list (“Never purchase anything that is actually for you”) and Rule Three on the counterpoint list (“Never purchase lifestyle or wardrobe accessories that he doesn’t use but you think he ought to. For example, if doesn’t already carry a ‘man-purse’ you probably shouldn’t get him his first one”). It’s probably also worth pointing out that lingerie is usually more of a gift for you than it is for the recipient, and that a man who habitually despises fine dining is already making a special lifestyle change if he takes you out for a fancy dinner…

Over the years it has occurred to me that the people who use Valentine’s Day as a test of their significant other are going about things the wrong way. Let me suggest to all of my readers (assuming I have readers) that if your significant other thinks this holiday is a bigger deal that you do, your best strategy is to try to take it a little more seriously (or at least try and do something that they would like), and if your significant other regards the day as much less important that you do, ask yourself if it is worth destroying the entire relationship over that disdain for a minor holiday. I write about business, not relationships, but I’ve rarely gone wrong keeping in mind that things aren’t always about me – and I don’t expect you will, either…