The Grad School Diaries: An Angel in My Tree

Okay, not really. Actually, it’s a bird; a Northern cardinal (C. cardinalis), and its only resemblance to an angel is that they both have wings. But if you sit at my desk, by the window overlooking our deck, and watch all of the wildlife that comes by to investigate our bird feeders (and eat from them, in the case of the actual birds), you might start to notice some other points in common…

The cardinals, male and female, are adorable little birds; I find their feeding behavior, a sort of hopping about looking for seeds to crack with their large orange beaks, to be somehow very endearing. The tiny chickadees are usually the first to find the feeders when I fill them and hang them on the stand; they’re fearless little things, smaller than the palm of my hand, flitting in to land within inches of me, grab a beak-full of seeds and then sprinting back to the safety of our giant pine tree. The blue jays take the prize for cheek, though; they’ll squawk like a hawk, trying to scare the smaller birds away from the food before barreling right in, knocking the others aside. By contrast, our huge flock of sparrows all line up and wait for their turn at the feeder like workmen at a lunch counter…

Then there are the grackles, seasonal visitors who stop by during their migration to and from the forests in Canada. They’re big, shiny black birds, about half-way between the blue jays and a crow in size, with iridescent feathers around their necks and huge golden eyes that give them a permanently astonished look. They’re very appealing, too. Then there are the less common birds, like the purple finch, the goldfinch, and the Oriole, all of which stop by once in a while. They’re fun to watch out for, and I always enjoy seeing a new bird in the yard. Once in a while we get a woodpecker or two, and every few days an actual hawk – a big red-tailed hawk, if I’m not mistaken) – really does patrol his territory, which includes most of our subdivision. We will sometimes see him perch in a tree near our yard; sometimes we hear his call, too…

Then there are the animals that come by the deck. We’ve got dozens of squirrels, of at least three different species, that frequent our yard, and one day last week we had all three species on the deck at the same time. Some of them have become familiar to me over time; Rocky the fox squirrel is easy to spot, given that he’s larger than our cat and his huge, fluffy tail is edged in rusty orange. His rival, whom we call Scrat, is smaller, with a much rattier tail. Then we have Eastern grey squirrels; much smaller than the fox squirrels and without the reddish edge to their fur. Many of the individuals who frequent our yard are from the rare “black morph” – glossy black with white markings, which seems odd for a “grey” squirrel. We’ve nicknamed the largest one Shadow; he’s much glossier and fluffier than any of the others, and therefore easy to identify. Dale is the only red squirrel who comes by regularly; he’s a small rodent with a big attitude, and we think he chases off the other red squirrels. In any case, he’d the closest thing to a central-casting squirrel, with his handsome red-brown fur and white stomach and chest…

Cutest and dumbest of our squirrels has to be Alvin, our chipmunk. He’s so dumb he sometimes flings himself into the clear plastic sides of our main bird feeder trying to get at the seeds within, never realizing that there’s a clear barrier between him and the food. He’s easily light enough to climb onto the bird’s perch and access the feed through the doors; Dale does this on a regular basis, and Alvin is smaller and lighter than the red squirrels by a wide margin. But he’s apparently too dim to figure this out…

This is how I pass a great many of my days, working frantically to keep up with my class work. Most days when I’m sitting here there will be a fine red cardinal (or, sometimes, a whole flock of them) on a branch outside my window. Sometimes it will be 30 or 40 sparrows, or a cavalcade of squirrels, or a lone and very hapless chipmunk. Sometimes I will spot a wild rabbit hopping timidly through the grass, or see the majestic hawk soaring through the clear winter sky, or hear the drumming of a woodpecker. It’s fun to watch, and it helps me to feel more connected to the world outside, as well as making me feel better about having chosen to spend five years in this place. But ultimately, none of that really matters…

They make me happy. I could not feel more blessed if there really was an angel in my tree. And that’s important on days like today, when I’m so overwhelmed, frustrated and depressed that I can barely stand myself. At those times, the beautiful and loveable red bird outside my window really does make me feel better. Like a light in the darkness, or a friend when you really need one, they help me to carry on…

Maybe it really IS an Angel in my tree…