A New Record

I write about a lot of stupid things in this space; in a very real sense, it’s my job. I’m a management scholar, and one of the areas I study is Institutional Failure – the reasons why businesses fail, and the amazing ways the people who own/run then manage to accomplish these failures. Over the years I have come to believe that the single greatest cause of business failure, and certainly a major fact in the disturbing statistic that 90% of all new business ventures end in failure, is simple stupidity. Consequently, I spend a certain amount of time each week looking for outrageously stupid things to write about, rant about, or look into in greater detail. If you click on the “stupidity” tab at the bottom of this post, you’ll be treated to a few dozen examples that I’ve documented for the entertainment and edification of my readers (assuming I have readers) over the past three years. None of it quite prepared me for having two of the dumbest stories ever hit my desk in the same week, however…

First, we have this item from the New York Times online site. According to the story, one of the top executives at AIG has resigned because the CEO has imposed limits on the company’s compensation programs. Now, to some extent, this is not unreasonable; if your boss told you that you were never getting another raise (and you had some expectation of being able to get higher pay somewhere else) you might make the same choice. What makes this story so exceptional is that the company in question is AIG, whose highly-paid executives managed to run their organization so firmly into the ground that it took $50 billion of your tax dollars to pull it out again – and that the salary cap that so offended the departing individual was $500,000…

Given that over the past year AIG has managed to replace Haliburton as the most hated corporate entity in America (a feat that I would have sworn was impossible just a few years ago), this has to be one of the most tone-deaf moves I’ve seen since their President was publically quoted demanding a private jet for personal use, and threatening to resign over government-imposed compensation limits last August. If I was the employee in question, I’d make sure everyone knew I was resigning to spend more time with my family, pursue a new career direction (grad school, maybe?) or move to Hawaii (where the banking jobs don’t pay as well but the weather is really nice) before I’d let a story like this get loose about me. And if I were AIG, I’d make up some story about our “vice chairwoman for legal, human resources, corporate affairs and corporate communications” being fired, defecting to State Farm, or being eaten by newts before I’d let this story run in the media…

In fairness, I believe that the other story is actually a bit stupider. Law enforcement officials in San Diego, California are reporting that a new record for blood alcohol level was set earlier this month by a woman found passed out at the wheel of a stolen delivery truck. In general, a BAC of .40 is lethal to about 50% of the population, and .70 should kill any human being – or any other air-breathing mammal of similar size, for that matter. This individual recorded a BAC of .708, a possible new record for the State, although not for the country. A few weeks earlier a man in New Jersey managed to top .80 and live to tell the tale. Although I don’t believe he managed to commit DUI or GTA while doing so…

Happy New Year, everybody! Drive safe tonight; there may be other world record holders still at large…