Take a Stand

One of the great controversies of our time has arisen again, and no matter which side of the issue you find yourself supporting, you may be quite sure that sooner or later this divisive issue will confront you in one of its many forms. So I ask you, dear reader (assuming I have readers), to consider for yourself and make your own decision: is tofu actually evil, or merely unpleasant?

The matter has taken on an unprecedented urgency in this time, because just last month Chipotle announced that they will begin carrying tofu as one of the protein options on their menu at all 1,572 of their restaurants nationwide. This entire bean-curd menace began just one year ago, in only seven test markets, and initially met a great deal of resistance from customers dedicated to the idea of burritos with meat in them, but has gradually spread to nearly half of the company’s locations. And while the company has offered a number of (effectively) vegetarian options for years (usually including some combination of rice, beans, cheese and fajita-style vegetables) this is the first time they have actually stooped to the dreaded bean curd. The question all Americans must now consider is whether this is a good thing or a bad thing…

I kid, of course, but for anyone associated with the company this is a non-trivial issue. On the one hand, it seems reasonable for the company to attempt to accommodate people who can’t or won’t eat animal products by making a true vegetarian option available on their menu. Cheese is inherently an animal-based product, of course, being made from cow’s (or goat’s or occasionally buffalo’s) milk, but many common types of cheese are also made with rennet, which is a collection of enzymes taken from the stomach of a cow or calf. Tofu, on the other hand, is generally not made with any animal products or by-products, and neither are the rice or black beans sold by Chipotle as it stands. In theory, this should increase the company’s potential customer base, both directly in terms of additional people they will be able to serve, and also indirectly, in the case of parties containing one or more vegetarian diners who will now be able to go to Chipotle together…

On the down side – well, there is very little risk involved. The number of people who are allergic to tofu does not appear to be any greater than those affected by any other food allergy, and anyone who isn’t allergic to the stuff can just not order it. It is possible that there will be some investment required in additional kitchen equipment and/or modifications to the restaurants’ food assembly lines so that they can handle the new ingredient, as well as some additional expense in setting up procurement and distribution of the new ingredient, but given the gradual introduction of the product it seems likely that the company has worked out any bugs that might have appeared in their system. Which only leaves the philosophical problem I mentioned at the beginning of this post…

Personally, I’ve never give a fetid dingo’s kidney about what other people think of my eating habits. As long as they mind their own business and let me get on with mine, we can always get along – and anybody who actually has problems with somebody eating a nice steak burrito (or, for that matter, one which contains only tofu and beans and rice) should probably not be allowed to eat out in public in the first place. So while it is possible that PETA and the American Cattleman’s Association might be headed for a showdown sometime soon over a tortilla-wrapped entre, it seems much more likely that both sides will just pay their money, eat their lunch, and go back to fighting over something more important…

Remember, though: if a range war breaks out in your local Chipotle restaurant, you heard it here first…