New Theme Park

There’s a wonderful moment in the recent “Iron Man” film, where the hero’s personal assistant walks in on him as he’s having trouble getting out of the armor that serves as the centerpiece of the movie (and the comic series). Most of the earlier iterations of the Iron Man myth have avoided dealing with this, but a suit of armor (even sealed, flying power armor with its own life-support systems and weapons and such) isn’t just a single piece of machinery; it wouldn’t just clamshell open and let you walk in. Real armor, throughout history, has been a collection of components fitted to different parts of the body for different functions, and it’s unrealistic to suggest that the Iron Man armor would be something you just pull on like a cotton jumpsuit. But in the scene our hero is hanging in mid-air, as a bunch of robotic arms attempt to disengage him from the different bits of ironmongery, and his assistant gasps at the sight…

Which leads to one of the film’s best moments, when our hero looks at her, and replies: “Oh, come on! This isn’t even the worst thing you’ve caught me doing!”

This was precisely my reaction when I learned that a genuine UFO cult is planning on building an alien-based theme park and “Happiness Academy” in Las Vegas. As reported by the local CBS affiliate, the well-known nut cult that calls themselves the Raelians is planning on constructing a new facility, including a museum, lecture facility, full-scale replica of a UFO and whatever else a “Happiness Academy” would entail in Las Vegas, starting sometime within the next year…

Anywhere else in the world, this announcement would no doubt be greeted with all manner of public protest. There would be denouncements from local religious groups, calling the Raelians “a dangerous cult” that was obviously created by the devil to distract their members from whatever their particular dogma happens to be. There would be complaints from local business groups about the masses of weirdos that will be attracted to such a facility scaring off paying customers. There would probably be protests and counter-protests about separation of Church and State, the need for various levels of government to intervene in (or stay out of) the situation. Local politicians would scent which way the wind was blowing, and try to gain advantage by taking whatever position about the new theme park seemed politically expedient…

In Las Vegas, the reaction seems to have been more along the lines of people asking if the city really needs another UFO cult and its theme park; if the ones they already have can handle the traffic; or if this one will just make it harder for the existing facilities to pay their bills. I mean, sure, everyone’s happy to see new businesses opening up these days, what with the economic crisis and all, and Las Vegas could certainly benefit from some new construction jobs and real estate getting sold, but you have to think of the long-term effects of a new installation…

I kid, of course, but given how hard the city has worked to cultivate that image of “anything goes” it’s difficult to imagine how having the Raelians build a tourist attraction somewhere in the area will do anyone any harm, and if they actually have money to spend (or, more to the point, if they can actually attract any tourists with money to spend) the whole thing could be really good for the community, at least from a business standpoint. Assuming that the whole thing doesn’t turn out to be another heap of smoke and mirrors, like when the Raelians claimed to have successfully cloned one of their key leaders, that is. It’s a sad day when you can’t even trust the leaders of your local UFO cult anymore. Sometimes I fear for the future of our Republic…