Free Usually Isn’t

There’s an old American saying, sometimes abbreviated as an acronym: “There ain’t no such thing as a free lunch!” or TANSTAAFL, if you prefer. In a business context, you can generally assume that anything offered to you as a “free” or “give-away” offer is being paid for through some other aspect of the business model – the most familiar example being the “free” offers one sometimes sees advertised that charge “only” for shipping and handling. Even granted that the item being touted is free, you will generally find (if you check) that the cost of the item, the shipping and the advertising is all less than the “nominal shipping and handling charge” you are expected to pay for it. In the case of the free meals being offered by the Residence Inn we’re staying at, not only are they deductable as a business expense, but you can probably assume that they do not represent a significant percentage of the room rate…

What often gets on my nerves are people who decide to get something for free that isn’t supposed to be free in the first place – the best example being shoplifters. When I worked in retail I saw a lot of this, and a surprising amount of vandalism as well – people who destroyed our store’s products without even bothering to steal them. From time to time I’d even get to see one get caught, and most of them seemed quite pleased with themselves, for having put one over on “The Man” and gotten something they did not deserve. You see this same mentality sometimes here at the Inn, where people run wild, break things, deface things, make huge messes for the fun of it, take huge amounts of food or other items simply because they can, or permit their children to do these things…

Well, I hate to disappoint these people, if any of them actually have the brains to work a computer (which I actually rather doubt), but the fact is they aren’t putting anything over on the system. Every retail store in the world has a percentage they add to their markup to account for theft and vandalism, or “shrink,” as it is collectively know in the industry. When they steal from the stores in their neighborhood, the ones who pay for it aren’t some faceless corporate owners somewhere; it’s their neighbors, their friends, their own families, and even themselves – unless, of course, they steal everything they ever need, and never actually purchase anything honestly. And even then, their stolen funds do not go as far, since part of what they spend goes to pay for “shrink.” Meaning that even thieves get less for their money because of theft…

In the case of people at the Inn, I’m sure they all think that they’re putting something over on the hotel chain, whether it’s food to stock their own kitchen, toilet paper for their own bathrooms, soap and shower caps to give as Christmas presents, or just the fun of running up somebody else’s water, power and cleaning bills, and making someone else’s maid service work harder. What these idiots fail to understand is that the hotel chain is much bigger than they are, much more experience than they are, and perfectly willing to add all of those costs into the cost of the room – effectively billing them for their fun at a premium. So much for beating the system…

Now, I don’t mean to suggest that anyone reading this post would engage in any of these silly behaviors, let alone the actually criminal ones. I know that you’re all good, fair people who expect a reasonable product or service in return for a reasonable fee, and will have no problem with paying for value received. I call all of this to your attention as a reminder that things which are represented as being free generally aren’t – and that there are lots of people who ARE stupid, greedy or criminal enough (as the case might be) to actually believe in something for nothing....

And some of them may be staying in the same hotel you are…