The Dark Side of the Farce

In my last post, I mentioned the touring exhibit known as “Star Trek: The Tour” which I went to see this past Monday in Long Beach. It’s an interesting business concept in its own right (as a means of generating money using a set of fixed assets), and as I mentioned in the last post, it represents an interesting test-bed for a Star Trek-based theme park, if anyone out there is considering launching one. I should also note that I firmly believe that if there wasn’t anyone considering such a project before, there probably is now – and by the time this enterprise completes its multi-city run across the U.S. there may be several groups of entrepreneurs considering such a venture.

Of course, there are still several unanswered questions in play here. One is why “Star Trek: The Tour” is being put on by CBS, rather than by Paramount (the nominal owners of the Franchise). Did Paramount pass on the idea as too risky, or did they outsource it to CBS in order to generate interest in the upcoming eleventh Star Trek movie without the bother of setting up and running the project themselves? Will enough people be willing to pay the price of admission to make the project a financial success? Will enough additional people be willing to pay the price of admission to convince someone to launch a Star Trek theme park? If so, where would you put the theme park? If you build where the land is cheap (e.g. some underdeveloped part of America) how do you get people to go there? If you build somewhere people already want to go (Orlando, Florida, or Anaheim, California, or even Las Vegas, Nevada) how will you afford to purchase that much land?

Only time will tell. But while we’re waiting, there is one aspect of “Star Trek: The Tour” that is so completely lame that it bears comment. I refer to the much-touted (it’s actually part of their marketing pitch online!) retail and food section of the operation. There isn’t much of one, folks; the average Borders has more Star Trek merchandise available on any given day. I noted a few books, a few action figures, some very expensive autographed artwork, and a few DVD copies of some of the series. There were almost no toys (apart from the Tribbles), no ship models, no costumes or props, no tie-in products worth the mention. There were actually more teddy bears (in vaguely Trek-like costumes) than any other type of merchandise, and most of what was there looked like knock-offs generated by people who have heard about Star Trek, but have never actually seen it.

What makes this even more puzzling is the huge amount of Star Trek-related merchandise available to the general public. A cursory check on Amazon shows over 23,000 book listings, nearly 800 toys, 120 software products, 190 music selections, 1,100 VHS tapes, 259 DVD selections, 130 video games, plus alarm clocks, decanters, Christmas tree ornaments, even food items. None of this was available for sale. And while there was a food service operation (called “Ten Forward” after a location on the Enterprise-D ™), you could only reach it by leaving the exhibit – with no re-entry allowed. Not a serious flaw in the middle of nowhere, I suppose, but in Long Beach, with dozens of resort-grade restaurants available in a three-mile radius, a major mistake.

One is left wondering how anybody attempting to make money off a pop-culture phenomenon like Star Trek could possibly fail to take advantage of the (quite literally) tens of thousands of merchandising possibilities. Other than prints of pictures taken of guests on the various sets (the ships’ bridges and so on) these people aren’t even trying to sell anything except tickets. It does make you wonder if the whole thing was set up by people unfamiliar with Trek culture (anyone who has ever seen the Dealer’s Room at a Star Trek Convention would have known better) who just don’t know any better, or if the people behind this venture just want to milk it for ticket money and can’t be bothered to explore any of the other possibilities. Or, I suppose, if the whole thing is an elaborate market test for a much larger project being developed somewhere else…

At least, I hope so. Because if this was the best they could do for a merchandising effort, I would not bet on “Star Trek: The Tour” lasting to the end of its run. Or even until it reaches a venue near you…